Why adults date other marrieds?
Speak about a loaded matter that no one wants to talk about, this is it. Funny thing, extramarital affairs have been going on since ancient times. Extramarital relationships can be loaded with evils, cause heartache, and other problems. In addition you have to wrap your maind around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness thing, finances, age difference, spiritual background, guilt, and on and on. I anticipate there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the intention of this post I will identify an affair as a long term, maybe weeks long relationship of a sexual nature between two people of whom one or both are married to other persons, discreet dating for married.
Why do men have extramarital affairs? There are as many reasons as there are men seeking an affair. I think typically though it is just the human nature, the need for care, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and appreciated. Here are a few reasons I have run across.
In nature we as human beings are all sexual creatures. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasurable and fun, and sex makes us get away the world for a small period of time. This excitement exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels elevated enough. Somebody can switch the wish on and off, some are brilliant at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and mature, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the excitement of the chase. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another individual, for some it is the longing to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the whole romance thing. These wishes and yearnings can be so strong they rise above the taboos people has erected against extra-marital affairs. For many people the yearnings will beat their doubts and make them risk the wrath of not only their family, but society as well. So why, what is the mechanism?
Sex Addicts, perhaps some of us are. Sex is very pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of biologically motivated sex addicts and can find away to have sex and not hurt your family or anybody else? You would need to minimize the jeopardy you are taking. If you have the feeling that a good affair is one that is beneficial to all, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the largest grouping, huge in fact. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, but they are comfy in the way they live, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your spouse but there is no romance. Then there are the children to consider. Your money are so entangled. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to live together besides love and sex.
Physical reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that stop them completing the sex performance, at least not with their othere half. An affair occasionally solves the difficulty while keeping the marriage whole.
Avoidance, sadly this is a regular groung I fear. One or the other, generally the male is sexually neglecting his woman for a number of reasons. As a man I truly am grateful to you guys neglecting your wives and making them available to us guys of romance, making them “milfs” Though I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Also there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but evil.
Something is just omitted in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Maybe its romance that is missing, could be it is a shortage of love, could be caring is gone, could be it is the intimacy, maybe neglect. Maybe we have just developed apart, our common concerns diverged. Maybe it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my ages, is diverce of what you want. Maybe I simply do not know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that feeling that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The number one reason people give is, they look for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to escape, for financial gain, for retribution and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.